Classifying People

1. Classify some ordinary group of people or things (for example, automobile drivers, retail clerk grocery store paperbacks, horror movies, fast foods) into categories, and write a humorous essay showing how each category represents a different approach in a secret plot to destroy your sanity, your digestion, or even your life. This is a semi-informal (Minimum1 ½ page, New Times Roman 12) classification paper based on your observations (NOT RESEARCH!!!)

2. Be original and funny and remember to classify not just list. For example, Three things out to get me are my telephone, my mother, and my dog. This idea will not work because I have listed three things and not classified. What I want you to do is classify. For example,

Three types of drivers out to destroy my sanity are the “Testy,” “Crazy,” and the “Nasty.”

These are classes (types) of drivers–with drivers being the central grouping–and everyone who drives fits into one of the categories. Another example is, “Three types of insects out to destroy my life are ‘The no-see ‘ems,’ ‘The stingers,’ and ‘The kamikazes.”’

3. This is a semi-informal paper (Not MLA) so you may use you, it, there or any other word(s) That are appropriate. However, any redundant word usage may reduce your grade. You should also include a title and have a minimum of three paragraphs. 

4. Use dialogue and personal stories. If you have characters, document their conversations because that will add personality to your writing. Personal stories also act as illustrations that will help to strengthen your ideas.

5. Now that you are finished, go back and check to see if your paper has a thesis and your topic sentences emphasize your thesis (in other word make sure what you are writing matches your thesis statement). Also, make sure that your paper is free of comma splices, run-ons, fragments, and that your subject(s)/verb(s) agree. In addition, be sure to check for other mistakes that we discussed in class and are listed in your handbook.

6. You may write this in class on Thursday or submit a typed paper on BlackBoard.

7. Good luck and, one more time, good writing is rewriting.

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